Haters gonna hate!

It's not easy writing a blog and it certainly is not easy writing a blog about your mental health issues, exposing yourself for the world to see, leaving yourself open for ridicule, criticism and general negative comments. I struggle at times writing my blog, I struggle to bite the bullet and post some of the more sensitive posts I write, and I struggle to sit down, to concentrate and to put myself out there and open for people to abuse me but somewhere deep inside I put all that to the back of my mind and I go for it, I feel the fear and do it anyway. You might be thinking if I know I am going to be subjecting myself to abuse why do I continue to do it? Well I write because I love it and I put my ramblings online for the world to see for one reason and one reason only, to ensure people become aware that it is ok to feel shit, it is ok to suffer from mental health issue, that it is ok to ask for help and most importantly that no matter how bad things get there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

I've got some pretty hurtful things said to me over the four years of writing my blog, things that nobody should ever have to read or hear, things that knock you down and make it hard for you to get back up again, but I've done just that, I've got back up and I have continued to write and write about the things I feel passionate about. The best thing about blogger is that you can moderate your comments, you can choose which comments others can read, for me its kind of like letting me choose which comments I let get to me, which comments I let break me down and which comments I let make me stronger and more committed to writing about the things I am passionate about. It is sometimes the most hurtful comments, which allow me to go deep inside myself and write about the hardest times in my life, the hatred fuels me at times. 

But then at times some comments really go beyond belief and you wondering what is going on in a persons mind when they tell you to take your own life and some go even further and tell you how they wish you would do it! Its these comments that hurt, it’s the comments so full of rage and hatred that took time and effort to think of, its these comments that know you down and hold you down for a few days that take their toll. I know some of the people who leave those comments on my blog are reading this post and I’m sure many of them are getting some kind of satisfaction knowing that they know me down and sometimes they prevent me from getting back up in a hurry but to be honest sometimes it takes getting knocked down and not being able to get up for you to realize you need to look after yourself, sometimes it takes getting a know to take time for yourself, focus on the positives in your life and get back up stronger than ever before. I know there are many people who are going to keep sending me hurtful comments, day after day and I’m just going to do what I do every day, I’m just going to click the delete button because while there are comments that truly do get me down they make way for reflection and allow me to build myself back up better and stronger than before and for every one person who sends a hurtful comment there is another person sending a positive comment and better yet there is a person asking for help, realizing its ok not to be ok and ensuring they do not fall into some of the dark cycles I myself have fallen into.

So when I expose myself to hatred, when I put my personal life out there for the world to see I do it not only because I am passionate about writing but I do it because I know that sharing my story can help one person build up the courage to ask for help and if one person asks for help and support through a tough time then I know it will have all been worth it!
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