A different perspective

As many of you know I have been going through a rough patch lately. Over the past number of years I have tried different types of therapies to help me overcome my depression and self-harm, everything from CBT to talk therapy and more recently I have engaged in DBT to try and help my borderline personality disorder.  I feel now as if I have hit a wall. I’ve been fighting to get though this most recent relapse, hoping that somewhere deep down I would be able to find that light, that little bit of hope that would enable me to keep going, to keep fighting and to keep moving forward.

I wasn’t quiet sure what form that little bit of hope would come to me in. I was being presented with opportunities to be placed on a waiting list to redo DBT, to work on my skills, ensuring I would be able to cope in stressful situations but I didn’t feel that this was right for me. Having completed DBT once before I felt that there is someone who needs it more than me, someone who will benefit more than me and someone who is willing to give it 100% something that I’m not entirely sure I could do. I was beginning to loose hope; after turning down the possibility of DBT there was nothing more adult services could offer me. Coming to the end of college meant the GP who I had been receiving support from would no longer be in a position to support me and I began to feel lost. I started to worry, feel isolated and began to stress about what I was going to do next but then a combination of encouragement from my brother and the college GP I decided I needed a new perspective and that little bit of light which I was hoping would appear, did so, in the form of Pieta House.

On Friday I made a phone call, on Monday I had an assessment and now I am just waiting on a phone call with an appointment to begin counselling with Pieta House to help get me through this rough period. A chance to explore myself and figure out what it is that is making me feel the way I’m feeling is what they are going to try and help me do. Moving away from a specific focus on using skills to prevent self-harm is what I feel I need at the moment and while I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to try anything new this time a week or two ago I know deep down inside me that I need to do everything in my power to overcome this current rough patch. I was convinced I had nothing left to explore, nothing left to talk about but I was proved wrong when so many different things came up during my initial assessment with Pieta House on Monday, I was surprised at the amount of things that have been swimming around within me trying to escape, but escaping in the wrong way, through self-harm.

I’m feeling rather hopeful about it all to be honest, I feel some one to one sessions focusing on some issues that are currently going on for me is what I need right now. It’s a chance, an opportunity to take back control, to learn about myself and come out on top fighting so I would be made to let it pass me by. I know its not going to be easy but I know I need this and more importantly I know I want this. Self-harm will always be in my past but that doesn’t mean it has to always be in my present and future. It’s a long road ahead, up to 15 sessions with Pieta House, I’m scared and anxious but I’m ready, I know it has to happen because if not now, I might never have another chance.

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