Taking ownership of my recovery

I have been told that now I am an adult I must take control of my own recovery, my own medication, my own appointments and basically take care of my own mental health unlike the way I child would look after their mental health, and so that is exactly what I have been doing.

  • I ensured I got an appointment with the adult mental health services after little was done by CAMHS to ensure my transfer was smooth, as a result of being told everything was taken care of it took four months until I found out this was not the case and another month trying to get an appointment. 
  • This followed with endless assessments being done by numerous staff members in the adult mental health services to allow them to develop a care plan, a care plan that I am waiting for still after at least a month.
  • When expressing my wishes to be reduced of my medication which was a factor for consideration since being a patient with child services I was turned down because it is not the right time according to the doctor but when will the time be right, is there ever a right time for something like this?

Will I ever come of my meds? Will I be able to come off my meds? So I do as the doctors and nurses ask, I remain on my meds, I work to continue preventing self harm, I have been honest in talking and telling them about any incidents of self harm and I have been working with the doctors and nurses but what do I get? I get told again and again that it is not the right time to come off my meds! How do the doctors know, there not in my head, living my life, dealing with my depression! Does my input regarding the right time to reduce my meds mean nothing? They say I need to stay on my meds because coming off them unsupervised can have negative effects so I remain honest and continue to take my medication as prescribed but that still seems to mean nothing. 

My cooperation, honesty and willingness to engage and work with the doctors and nurses all seems to amount to nothing, what do I get in return? I get treated in a way I can only describe as being treated like a child who does not have the ability to take ownership of its own recovery. I am trying to take ownership of my own recovery but how can I work towards a meaningful recovery when the professionals are not working with me, allowing me to try and reduce my meds and let me see for myself if it is not the right time to come off my meds.

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