Suicide according to the World Health Organization suicide is “the act of deliberately killing oneself.” This is true and I would never consider challenging this definition I would however elaborate on this definition making suicide the act of deliberately killing oneself when life is not worth living and when you have been trapped in darkness and unable to find hope for an extended period of time. From my experience this is how I would describe suicide.

You could say that I didn’t want to die and in one sense I didn’t, had I really deep down wanted to die my first suicide attempt would have been successful and the second and the third, they would have all been successful if deep down I had really wanted to die. You could also say that I did want to die, I wanted to die to end my pain and suffering, I wanted relief, I wanted to be free and I wanted to be with the family who I have lost.

You see, suicide isn’t as simple as someone wanting to die, it involves why a person may appear to want to die, it involves looking deep into the mind of a person, examining their thoughts, looking at their surroundings and asking the person the reasons as to why they feel they want to die and giving them a place to explain their thoughts. Often people look at suicide as being a cowards way out, people looking for attention and often seeing those who committee suicide or attempt suicide as different, crazy, depressed, sad and not normal. But what makes someone trying to end their life any different from people who don’t try to end their life?

I attempted suicide and I am not afraid to admit it, I am not scared of being discriminated against, I am not scared of being called crazy because my suicide attempts were my way of looking for help. It was certainly not the most positive way of seeking help but the state of despair and hopelessness, which I was in caused me to believe that the only way things could have ever gotten better, were if I tried to take my own life.

People often feel like the only way out of the pain that you are feeling is through suicide, they also feel that the only way which they can get help is through trying to take their own life. This shouldn’t be the case, people should feel comfortable asking for help and support and for this to happen people must not fear being judged, looked down on by society and being treated as an outcast.

People often ask why I share my experience with poor mental health and the reason is to try and show people that it is ok to talk, it is ok not to feel ok and it is ok to get support for a mental health issue. I also share my story in the hopes that people will gain some hope from my story- I made it through depression, yeah I have some down days and I still struggle but I got through the worst of it and I know that with the support system I have around me I will continue to work through my bad days. Everybody has a support system but in order for you to become aware of that support system you must ask for support! It took me a suicide attempt to become aware of my support system, had I asked for help and support my first suicide attempt could have been prevented.

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