There's Always Light at the End of the Tunnel

Something was said to me last week by the therapist and it’s not the first time she has said it either but I think its finally started to sink in and I think for the first time in a long time I have really thought about it, evaluated it and actually began to think about my life and what exactly I want to get from life. It somewhat relates to a previous blog post I wrote about continuing on with DBT but its much more than that, what she said has meaning, what she said is true and it has taken me months to finally accept that she has been telling me the truth. In almost every session that I have had with this therapist over the past four months she has told me that I have to potential to be a happy healthy person. I didn’t believe her and never really thought that much into it, until this week I disagreed with her because I couldn't see the potential in me. Whats more is that I'm not angry at myself for not seeing this potential in me because so much of my life has been a str...

When I was seven years old my life changed significantly, I became a ‘ Big Sister’, a step-sister but a big  sister nonetheless. It was a big change despite not living with my younger step-brother it took a lot of getting used to and to be honest I'm not really sure I ever got used to it. Two years later at the age of nine I welcomed yet another younger step brother into my life and again while it was great not to be the baby amongst my siblings the novelty of having to younger siblings, step siblings soon wore off. Not having fully gotten used to the first new addition the second new addition didn’t make it any easier. I believe that as a result of not living with my younger step-brothers, having two parents constantly fighting and a parent being diagnosed with cancer I wasn’t necessarily in the position to take on the ‘ Big Sister’ role and well because I didn’t live with my younger step-brothers I was still considered the baby of the family.
 If I'm honest when my mum g...

I try to keep this blog as positive as possible, share my story highlighting the positives, how I've come out the other end still in one piece and how I can live with a mental health issue but sometimes its not as positive as I make it out to be. Don’t take me up the wrong way, don’t get the idea that I'm trying to trick you because I'm not because things do get better and they have for me but that’s not to say things cant take a turn as well. I haven't been writing lately not since October and I've missed it, I've missed sharing whats going on inside my head, my day to day activities and I've missed how writing makes me feel good but over the past couple of months I haven't been able to write because things haven't been so good. Ive had some tough weeks and I've had some good weeks and right now I'm off my medication and engaged in DBT therapy which have contributed to my tough weeks as well as my good weeks. As a result of fear I decid...

Over the past couple of weeks I have been thinking a lot about my mum and specifically about her death and each and every time I think about her I begin to get tearful and find myself asking the same question over and over again, when will it get easier? When my mum died and indeed before my mum died people told me it gets easier, things will be ok and that as time goes by it gets easier to deal with her death, but does it? Does it ever get easier? I still think about my mum everyday, I remember her death so vividly, I can still feel the atmosphere from the hospice room, I can still feel my back against the wall and I can still her the nurses soft voice almost whisper "she's gone". The pain doesn't go away, the hole in my heart has never been filled and the constant reminder that I am never going to see my mum, hug my mum or even talk to my mum again never goes away. Each time I think of my mum, despite the positivists I am plagued with all the negatives, the can...

We are all different and we all have different backgrounds, cultures, religions and like having a different culture or religion we all have different body shapes and sizes. During your teenage years and in fact into your adult years many woman and men begin to focus on how they look and begin to get obsessed at times with how they look worrying whether or not they fit into the stereotypes created by society. Body image and mental health are two things which are linked and often if your not doing well  physically  you may be suffering mentally and if your not doing well mentally you may be suffering  physically  so it is important to take time to ensure that you are happy  with your  self  physically  to ensure positive mental health. At different stages in our life our body image may change, at times when we are happy and content with life we may have a positive and healthy body image whereas during times when we are not so happy and content...

It's not easy writing a blog and it certainly is not easy writing a blog about your mental health issues, exposing yourself for the world to see, leaving yourself open for ridicule, criticism and general negative comments. I struggle at times writing my blog, I struggle to bite the bullet and post some of the more sensitive posts I write, and I struggle to sit down, to concentrate and to put myself out there and open for people to abuse me but somewhere deep inside I put all that to the back of my mind and I go for it, I feel the fear and do it anyway. You might be thinking if I know I am going to be subjecting myself to abuse why do I continue to do it? Well I write because I love it and I put my ramblings online for the world to see for one reason and one reason only, to ensure people become aware that it is ok to feel shit, it is ok to suffer from mental health issue, that it is ok to ask for help and most importantly that no matter how bad things get there is always light at...