I recently finished  three and a half years of psychotherapy in CAMHS- child and adolescent mental health services. As I turned 18 during my final year in school and was struggling with the stress and pressure that the leaving cert brought with it, an agreement was made between my psychologist and my dad that I would remain in the child services even after my 18th birthday until I finished my leaving cert in order to prevent any further stress being put on me which may have contributed to a downfall leading to further self-harm. I wasn't going to complain about this decision as it was in my best interest to continue my psychotherapy in child services as it would mean less stress for myself as changing services and getting to know new psychologists is very stressful and in the past has proved problematic for myself.

While this arrangement was for my best interest I am currently feeling a bit lost. When I finished in CAMHS I was told that I would be transferred to adult services and would be introduced to new doctors etc after the leaving cert. The aim of adult services for myself would be to monitor my medication and hopefully in the future begin to titrate off my medication. It was discussed between myself and my psychologist that I may not need further psychotherapy as I have gained control over my thoughts, feelings, self-harm, anxiety and depression. I agreed with this at the time but now I feel a bit lost, I feel that I have lost something which I needed most, I have lost my support which I so much depended on. I am aware of all the people out there who can support me and I do turn to my family and friends when I need to talk and when I am struggling with urges I do not hesitate to go to my family and friends in order to prevent a downward spiral.

While finishing with CAMHS was a relief and a huge step for me it was a big adjustment in my life, not having a professional to turn to for the support which at one point in my life needed in order to survive ( I thought anyway) I am proud that I have made it as far as I have and I am delighted that I got through my psychotherapy and made such great progress. One thing however which I am not happy with in regards to finishing with child services is that I am still on medication. I wanted to begin to reduce my medication a number of times while in child services but due to my leaving cert it was not recommended as with the stress I was experiencing reducing my medication would mean that I could have a negative change and begin to have a downward spiral leading me back to depending on my self-harm to get through each day.

Currently I am feeling lost, I feel lost because I don't know where I am going to go in terms of psychological help. I am in the middle of my transition between child services and adult services and right now I feel lost, lost because I am currently stuck taking medication without talking which I was told would be necessary in order for my medication to work. It is right now that I feel I have been let down by the HSE. While I am not blaming the child services because they kept me in the service for my best interest and I am not blaming adult service because they must look after a large number of people in my catchment area, the people who I am blaming are the government because due to the cuts which are constantly being made to mental health services it is no wonder why I feel lost because I am currently stuck on medication without any psychologist or psychiatrist to monitor my mood and my medication which is important for a person who has an ongoing mental health issue/illness.

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