A family adventure :)

At the end of this month, exactly 14 days from now myself and my family will be going on an adventure to Florida. This year there is nine of us going, myself, Paul, Shane, Dad, Amy, Tom, Bernadette, Adam and Mark. I have been looking forward to this holiday ever since we booked it and as it gets closer and closer I grow more excited everyday. With only 14 days to go I have so much to get ready between cleaning the house, packing and of course making sure Lilo settles in with the family of friends she will be staying with but I also have to manage to finish my leaving cert!! Only one exam left to go now and to be honest I'm tired of waiting for it to come, I just want to get Spanish over and done with. As soon as I step on my plane to Florida everything to do with exams, points, grades, the leaving cert, result, viewing of scripts, college courses, books and study will all be forgotten about for sure!!

I may be looking forward to this holiday and with a plan like this there is no doubt why I would be looking forward to it!

29th Arrive and throw someone (Paul) into the pool.
30th Lets get off to a magical start with Magic Kingdom.
1st Lets get some thrills in Bush Gardens.
2nd Time for some swimming and a bit of Lego at Lego Land.
3rd Lets get cool sitting in the Splash zone in Sea-world.
4th A morning of shopping followed by an evening by the pool.
5th Road-trip to NASA (I think)
6th A bit more Disney with a day of movies and fun in MGM.
7th Some more adventure and thrills in universal and islands of adventure.
8th A day in the water with the dolphins in discovery cove.
9th Another day with the animals in animal kingdom and Downtown Disney
10th Some shopping along international drive and a spot of mini golf
11th Revisit our favourite unless I forgot any!
12th Some last minute shopping in the Florida Mall + spring clean the house 
13th We bid farewell but we will remember all the amazing memories

There is one thing though that is putting me down about this holiday and that is my scars. Yes I know I can cover them with long sleeves(which I plan on doing) and I can wear make-up and everything but why should I have to? I am not ashamed of my scars and I have nothing to hide, if people see them, they see them. My family have no problem with my scars and neither do I(I wish I didn't have them but I can't change my past) I would willing step outside of my house in just a t-shirt if I didn't have to deal with people staring at my arms and judging me. There are people who look and give you a some what sympathetic look and a look of understanding and then there are those who look at you, judge you, make comments and stare. It is the people who stare, make comments and judge that I have an issue with. 

Each one of us has something that makes us who we are and I would like to think that my personality is what makes me who I am, not my scars. I don't let my scars define me but I feel that to prevent being judged I must hide them. This should not be the case though. People are not aware as to how I got my scars(with a bit of thinking though it can be figured out) yet they insist on staring at them and judging me. When I see a little child coming in my direction and my sleeves are rolled up I pull them down, not because I fear being judged by children but because they are too young to understand and I feel that they are too young to be exposed to something such as self-harm. I know when I am around Adam and Mark my two younger step-brothers, I try to not let them see my scars because they do not need to be exposed to self-harm at their young age and if a child did see my arms and stared I would be ok with that because they do not know any better, but adults and adolescents do!

I will cover my arms in Florida which I have said I will do above but I am not going to cover them because people judge me when they see them but I am going to cover them when I want to. If I want to walk outside in just a t-shirt then I will. I am not going to let what people think of me ruin my holiday and if people don't like seeing my scars well they don't have to look at them do they? I don't want to have to be confined to long selves because people may have issues with my scars, I may not like my scars and I wish i didn't have them (I am currently using creams and gels to reduce their appearance) but I do and at the moment I do have them and as long as my family accept me for who I am, scars or no scars that is all that really matters at the end of the day.

I recently read a blog post written about this very topic called No more hiding, in this post I felt like someone understood what I was going through and at the end of the post I thought to myself, if she can walk outside and let people see her arms then so can I.  I have these scars as a result of pain I have experienced in my life and as a result of not knowing how to cope, but now I do and I no longer self-harm. So when I am in Florida and when I feel like wearing a t-shirt I am going to do just that! I am not going to let other people stop me from wearing what I want to wear, being who I want to be and doing what I want to do.

So if you have scars, don't fret, be yourself and if you are comfortable not hiding then don't! Other people can judge you but at the end of the day you know who you really are so what does it really matter what people think about you!