Suicide Prevention day.
Today is suicide prevention day and well I decided to write
a blog post about it. To be honest I’m going to make this a very personal post
because well suicide is something that I have dealt with in my life and
something such as suicide prevention means a lot to me. I have written a lot of
very personal post and well that’s because I am trying to share my story and
help people who are going through hard times. I mean if things that I write
show people that there is hope and even if you think things aren’t going to get
any better they will. I have gone through some hard times and I still kind of
am and most of the time I find it hard to see that there is hope and things
will get better but with the help of some very close friends I know that things
will get better even if I don’t think that things will my friends assure me
that they will.
So today is suicide prevention day and well I attempted
suicide in 2010 two days before my junior cert started. Many people thought
that I did it because of the stress of the exams that I was about to do but it
wasn’t, there wear many reasons and if I was to list them I would be here for a
while so I’m just going to keep my reasons short. I did it because I felt
lonely, isolated, depressed and that there was no point in living. There are
many other reasons why I did this some were because of the loss of my mam, my
problems with my IBS and yeah the stress of the exams had a part to play in it
as well but they weren’t the only reasons. I just didn’t want to lie anymore; I
thought people would be happier without m and that if I was to die I would be
reunited with my mam.
I went up to my room because I was feeling like crap and
took a piece of glass to my arm. I began to cut, I did manage to stop before it
got to serious and then my dad found out in a matter of minutes after. I was
taken to the hospital, crying, and upset annoyed and angry. I will never forget
the look on my dad’s face when I told him that I wanted to die and that I did
try and kill myself. I spent a week in the hospital and even done some of my
exams there, I was watched by a nurse all day every day and not let out of
their sight. When I was allowed go home it was on the grounds that I would be watched
at home and that I would also go back to the hospital on a weekly basis to see
a psychologist. I was allowed to go back to school but only if I was dropped to
school, then collected and I was not allowed to leave the school if my dad was
not there to collect me.
The point I am trying to get across here is that no matter
how bad you are feeling and how bad things might seem ending your life is not
what you want to do. I survived my suicide attempted and I am happy that I am
still here. Yeah I might still be struggling with some problems and I find it
hard sometimes to see my future but with the help of close friends I know that
I want to be here right now. Anything thing that gets me down or upset now I
think of it as being a bump in the road but I know once I get over this bump I
will be back on track and trying to make things better for myself. If it wasn’t
for one very important teacher in my life right now I don’t know where I would
be, she helps me to realise that I need to focus on today and once I get through
today I can work on getting through tomorrow. Just take things one day at a
time. Doesn’t worry about all the stupid things going on around you, I always
do that and it always gets me down but I’m slowly learning not to let them get
me down.
The most important thing that you can do is talk to someone
if you are feeling like you want to end it all. Believe me I have been there
and I wish I didn’t try to take my own life but I can’t go back in time and I
have to live with the scars for the rest of my life. Talk to anyone, a parent,
a friend a sibling or even a teacher. Sure email me at siobhanbrady4@hotmail.com
if you need to talk to some who knows what you’re going through.
I know that there is a reason to live. I am still battling
against my depression and IBS. I m going to get better, it will take a while
and I do sometimes have trouble seeing the future and I do dwell on things that
have happened in the past and feel sorry for myself but I am going to get
better. There is hope and things will get better just talk to someone. Believe
me things will get better.
In honour of all those people who died from suicide light a candle
at 8pm tonight and place it near a window.
Comments
Yesterday, for the Suicide Prevention day, there was supposed to be a sky diving event near where I live! But I think that it was cancelled because of too much wind.