Every now and again someone will suggest I get into the area of journalism. It has been a reoccurring theme for the past 4 years, around the time I had to look at what I wanted to do in college. In the beginning I liked the idea and I even entertained the idea, researching the points required, what would be involved in a journalism course but in the end I decided that it wasn’t for me. Why? Well I guess the number of points required in the leaving cert was a big issue, I knew I wasn’t able to achieve the points required and while some people might say well why didn’t you try, I didn’t try because for me it wasn’t an attainable goal. Why would I just upset me self when I end up disappointed? I guess another reason was I wasn’t really sure if that was what I wanted to do although even now in my final year of college I’m still not sure what I want to do!
I guess now that someone has mentioned doing my masters in journalism I have been questioning is it time I take my writing to the next level? Do I turn my hobby into a career? Right now I’m leaning more towards the no side. I write because I enjoy it, it’s a way of getting things out of my head, its what I do to release stress and tension and it is what I turn to when I cannot verbalise my thoughts. I worry that if I take writing and turn it into a career I will loose the enjoyment I get from it, it will become a way of putting bread and milk on the table rather than looking after my mental health. I’m worried that turning my writing into a career will affect my blog, would I still have a blog? Would I want to spend all day writing to come home and write some more? It just wouldn’t be the same.
I feel as if my blog has become a part of me and it has become something, which people associate with me. It is something, which I am proud of and it is something, which I want to keep going as long as possible. It has presented me with many opportunities and I’m sure it may present me with more in the future. It is something which I feel I need in my life and while at times I may not post for months and other times I may post daily it is something which I feel I need in my life. I worry not only that becoming a journalist will take the enjoyment out of writing but I too worry about the impact it will have on my blog, will it damage the level of writing on my blog? Will it hinder my passion and desire to write? And will it take the time I need t write on my blog away from me?
I know that this is all thought and that if I did get into journalism I may even find I enjoy writing more, I may find that it enhances my blog, it aids my style of writing or it enriches my passion but how can I be certain of that? I know we can never be certain of anything in life but I feel I need to be at least 70% sure that writing as a career will enhance my life and right now I cant say that is where I am. Right now in general I feel very unsure as to what I want to do in the future, do I want to write? Do I want to work with young people? Focus on mental health? Get into social care or community work? Do I want to travel? Keep my job in the children’s play centre? To be honest I really don’t know where I am going in life and I know that’s ok and for now I feel as if the writing as a career opportunity is going to disappear once again for a while because I’m not so sure I’m willing to risk taking the enjoyment out of something I so desperately need in my life.