Stuck

Two and a half years ago I began my journey to corrective double jaw surgery, 18 months of braces pre op and 6 months of braces post op. A correct bite with my top teeth in front of my bottom teeth is what I should have now but I don't. I've written about this before, about how it has been a struggle to get my surgery, how my underbite has been affecting me, damaging my mental health, challenging me everyday but today, although having a breakthrough getting a meeting with a surgeon next week I still feel stuck.

You might be questioning why I feel stuck, its just an underbite but its more than that, its the control and power this underbite has over me. People have told me that I need to stop this controlling, I need to move on and get on with my life. So far this underbite has prevented me from perusing interviews to spend my summer working in America, redoing a college placement in order to continue as a community and youth work student, it has completely taken control of my life.

How do I take back control?  How do I move forward? How to I lessen the impact of this underbite in my life? How do I just forget abut surgery and just get on with my life? This has been such a huge part of my life for so long and I have got so close to surgery yet now I'm facing another long wait for surgery with might not even happen this side of Christmas. I feel as I have reached my limit and I just don't know how to move on right now? How do I get on with my life?

Popular posts from this blog

A prisoner of my own mind

A while ago I wrote about a bump in the road that saw me take a step backwards…. That bump is still very much on the road and I am simply coasting along hoping the end is in sight somewhere. But when the end comes I have to ask, how long will it last for? How long will the good times last before we hit another bump? I don’t want this anymore, I no longer want the label I have attached to me, I don’t want borderline personality disorder. When I was first diagnosed I resisted my diagnoses, last year when I got unwell again and found myself re-entering the mental health services and engaging with the community mental health team I had to use every ounce of energy to truly accept my diagnosis and in many ways empower the label and allow it to help me understand myself. That label, which had a positive purpose no longer holds the same status, now it is simply something I do not want, something which has taken over my mind and body, it is something that I need gone, I need it to disappe...
Read more

An unexpected week

Last week I went back to work and to say I was scared would be an understatement! On Sunday night I prepared myself as much as I could for what I anticipated to be one of the worst weeks I would experience in work. I expected to be riddled with anxiety to the point where I wouldn’t be able to go to work- I was not. I expected to feel pure panic as I drove to work each day, bordering on a full-blown panic attack- I did not. I expected to cry, each day over something minor, something small, something that wouldn’t have mattered- I did not. I expected to obsess over everything; put more rituals in place to ensure everything was perfect-I did not. I expected to hide the fact that I had been in hospital for my mental health, I expected to allow the shame I was feeling to take control, I expected to shy away from my colleagues during the week, I expected to fight this battle on my own, but I did not. It was a hard week in many ways, it was the first week back, I was sc...
Read more

Day 14- Two weeks post-op

Image
It's hard to believe it has only been two weeks since my corrective double jaw surgery, it feels like it happened months ago! I was hoping that my two week update would be as positive as my first week update but I’m afraid its not. For about the past week I have been dealing with a lot of pain on my right side particularly at the site of surgery on my lower jaw. Having met with my surgeon last Friday he prescribed another course of antibiotics, as he was concerned there could be a slight infection due to the pain I have been experiencing, much to my dismay the pain in my right side is only worsening. It’s nothing I am very concerned about; I mean it’s only two weeks since the surgery so it is more than likely as a result of you now my jaw being broken! But nevertheless it is something, which I am monitoring and keeping a close eye on, should it continue to worsen over the next couple of days I phone call to the surgeon, might be in store. Swelling has improved a lot sinc...
Read more