There's Always Light at the End of the Tunnel

I’m all about looking after myself, ensuring I can keep mind in a positive space and self-care is something, which I have had to work at consistently over the past year or two. I struggle with self-care sometimes but because I am aware of how hard it can be too look after my mental health at times I have worked hard to ensure there are little reminders around the place to help me when I need it most. Despite these reminders, despite working hard to keep positive and look after myself there are some days when my borderline and depression win. Recently I had a rough day; there was no doubt in my mind that my depression had control. I was left feeling lonely, isolated, worthless and surrounded by negative thoughts of self-harm. Its days like this that people tell you that you need to look after yourself, focus on being positive and do the things that you need to in order to help get you through the day but the things that you need to do and the things that you do can often be very...

As many of you know I have been going through a rough patch lately. Over the past number of years I have tried different types of therapies to help me overcome my depression and self-harm, everything from CBT to talk therapy and more recently I have engaged in DBT to try and help my borderline personality disorder.  I feel now as if I have hit a wall. I’ve been fighting to get though this most recent relapse, hoping that somewhere deep down I would be able to find that light, that little bit of hope that would enable me to keep going, to keep fighting and to keep moving forward. I wasn’t quiet sure what form that little bit of hope would come to me in. I was being presented with opportunities to be placed on a waiting list to redo DBT, to work on my skills, ensuring I would be able to cope in stressful situations but I didn’t feel that this was right for me. Having completed DBT once before I felt that there is someone who needs it more than me, someone who will benefit more t...

I woke up this morning in disbelief, I knew this day was coming, I even marked it on the calendar but even still when I woke up this morning I wasn't really sure if I had actually made it! Today marks one whole year without self-harm, even writing it down shocks me, I never imagined actually lasting a whole year without self-harming in any way shape or form!    It has been tough! I’m not going to lie and I have been faced with many challenges which have encouraged self-harm urges but I have somehow managed to fight them off, to battle through the urges, to sit it out, distract myself, engage with my support system and take back control of my mind and I have made it an entire year without self-harming! I still can't believe it! Last night and even today I found myself retracing my steps, trying to remember if there were times that I self-harmed but didn't admit it, if there were moments when I gave in and let the self-harm take over but there wasn't! Don’t get me wrong...